Dealing with Rejection

Have you ever been rejected by someone you really liked? Maybe you tried to talk to someone you had a crush on, and they totally ignored you. Maybe you asked out that cutie from chemistry, and they said no. You probably felt disappointed, embarrassed, sad, upset, or maybe a little angry. 

We get it - rejection’s not fun, so how do you deal with it?

1) Understand that rejection is a part of life. It’s a sucky part of life, but rejection happens to all of us at some point, whether it’s being told no for a job, a scholarship, acceptance to college, or a date with a certain person. It can be really difficult not to take “no” personally. But part of dating is opening yourself up to someone else, and with that comes the possibility that they may not respond the way you want them to. Just remember that your whole self-worth doesn’t have to be wrapped up in whether or not someone wants to date you - there’s so much more to you than who you’re dating! And while rejection might sting at first, it also allows other opportunities to come into our lives, and maybe that can (eventually) be a good thing. 

2) Accept how you feel. Like we said before, you might feel disappointed or upset after being told no. These feelings are normal and you can definitely work through them! First, it’s important to just acknowledge and accept how you feel. You could try saying to yourself: “Hey, this really sucks, and I’m [sad, hurt, angry]. But it’s going to be okay.” Keep in mind, rejection can trigger a lot of unhealthy feelings and behaviors, so check in with yourself: are you acting out? are your feelings starting to get a little out of control? are you building things up in your mind that aren’t true? If so, it could help to journal about your feelings, or talk to a friend, family member, or counselor you trust. You could also call, chat or text with a loveisrespect peer advocate.

3) Be respectful of the other person’s decision and feelings. So you asked someone out and they said no. Ouch. We know it hurts, but yelling at them, stalking them, or trying to coerce or intimidate them into dating you after they’ve said no are considered unhealthy or even abusive behaviors. The healthy response is to respect their decision. No one owes anyone their affections, and everyone has the right to decide who they will and won’t date. Even if you think you’d be perfect for each other, if the other person doesn’t feel the same way, they have a right to their feelings. 

4) Focus on stuff that you enjoy. You might want to take a step back from the situation and just focus on yourself for a while. Hang out with friends, watch movies, listen to music, learn a new skill - anything that interests you and that you find fun. This is helpful because it reminds you that you have your own life and lots of other great things going on! And hey, even though one person said no, that doesn’t mean you’ll never find someone else who says yes. 

If you’ve got questions about how to date in a healthy way and need to talk to someone, our loveisrespect peer advocates are here to listen and support you. Call, chat, or text with us 24/7!

6rejection, dating advice, relationship problems, denied, how to ask someone out, love, crush, crushing, healthy relationships, stalking, respect, space, listening,

I'm so conflicted. My girlfriend calls me names sometimes ,ooks at my phone a lot, and is very possessive of me, but nothing is physical so I feel like I don't deserve to get out. I want out, but I convince myself I'm fine.
Anonymous

I’m really sorry to hear that your girlfriend is calling you names and invading your privacy. Emotional abuse is a form of abuse that is never acceptable in a healthy relationship. It’s also really concerning that she’s going through your phone. You have a right to privacy, and if you don’t want her going through it, then she needs to respect your decision. Things like that are actually considered digital abuse, which is something not a lot of people know about. Possessive behavior in a relationship can also be really concerning as it’s a form of control to gain power. If at anytime you feel unhappy or unsafe in your relationship, you’re allowed to end the relationship. You deserve to be in a healthy, loving relationship where there is an equal amount of respect.

Ending a relationship that has become abusive can be dangerous though, so please know that you can chat with a loveisrespect advocate 24/7 to talk about options and come up with a plan for staying safe if you decide to end things with her.

- A loveisrespect advocate

the-fault-in-our-youtubers:

It’s On Us: 
To RECOGNIZE that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.
To IDENTIFY situations in which sexual assault may occur.
To INTERVENE in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.
To CREATE an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.
It’s On Us
Not Alone
ZoomInfo
the-fault-in-our-youtubers:

It’s On Us: 
To RECOGNIZE that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.
To IDENTIFY situations in which sexual assault may occur.
To INTERVENE in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.
To CREATE an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.
It’s On Us
Not Alone
ZoomInfo
the-fault-in-our-youtubers:

It’s On Us: 
To RECOGNIZE that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.
To IDENTIFY situations in which sexual assault may occur.
To INTERVENE in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.
To CREATE an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.
It’s On Us
Not Alone
ZoomInfo
the-fault-in-our-youtubers:

It’s On Us: 
To RECOGNIZE that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.
To IDENTIFY situations in which sexual assault may occur.
To INTERVENE in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.
To CREATE an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.
It’s On Us
Not Alone
ZoomInfo
the-fault-in-our-youtubers:

It’s On Us: 
To RECOGNIZE that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.
To IDENTIFY situations in which sexual assault may occur.
To INTERVENE in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.
To CREATE an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.
It’s On Us
Not Alone
ZoomInfo
the-fault-in-our-youtubers:

It’s On Us: 
To RECOGNIZE that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.
To IDENTIFY situations in which sexual assault may occur.
To INTERVENE in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.
To CREATE an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.
It’s On Us
Not Alone
ZoomInfo
the-fault-in-our-youtubers:

It’s On Us: 
To RECOGNIZE that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.
To IDENTIFY situations in which sexual assault may occur.
To INTERVENE in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.
To CREATE an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.
It’s On Us
Not Alone
ZoomInfo
the-fault-in-our-youtubers:

It’s On Us: 
To RECOGNIZE that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.
To IDENTIFY situations in which sexual assault may occur.
To INTERVENE in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.
To CREATE an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.
It’s On Us
Not Alone
ZoomInfo
the-fault-in-our-youtubers:

It’s On Us: 
To RECOGNIZE that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.
To IDENTIFY situations in which sexual assault may occur.
To INTERVENE in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.
To CREATE an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.
It’s On Us
Not Alone
ZoomInfo
the-fault-in-our-youtubers:

It’s On Us: 
To RECOGNIZE that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.
To IDENTIFY situations in which sexual assault may occur.
To INTERVENE in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.
To CREATE an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.
It’s On Us
Not Alone
ZoomInfo

the-fault-in-our-youtubers:

It’s On Us: 

To RECOGNIZE that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.

To IDENTIFY situations in which sexual assault may occur.

To INTERVENE in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.

To CREATE an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.

It’s On Us

Not Alone

Source: the-fault-in-our-youtubers

6tw sexual assault, no more, kerry washington, scandal, Joe Biden, gif, PSA, intervention, be vocal, stand up, speak up, do your part, not alone, it's on us, support,

Hi. A few months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years when I found out he was cheating on me. Having had anxiety and depressive episodes in the past, I sought counseling to prevent that after the break up. It's really helped, but I also frequently find myself upset and crying. My ex doesn't show much regret, and he claims he doesn't know why he cheated, but I still continue to wish I had answers. I'm a very logical person who cannot accept not having answers. How can I deal with this?
Anonymous

I’m sorry to hear you’re having a difficult time with the break up. Break ups can be difficult because they are a period of big change in our life. It’s awful to hear that your boyfriend cheated on you with no explanation for his behavior. As humans, we crave closure because it is a neat and final way to end one part of our life and hopefully be able to begin a new chapter. Unfortunately, we don’t always get that neat and final conclusion, and it seems like getting certain answers or something would close that chapter of life and let us move on. Even if we get those answers, it doesn’t make the pain or confusion go away. Now could be a great time to explore what you really love doing and figure out who you are without this person.

It shows a lot of strength and self-awareness that you were able to reach out for help and see a counselor after the break up. That was really smart thinking. Everyone deserves time to feel sad (or angry, or however they feel) after a breakup; that’s normal. If these feelings don’t seem to subside after a while, it may be beneficial to check in with your counselor again. Leaning on your support systems during a difficult time is always a good option. If you’re looking for general ideas for taking care of yourself in the meantime, this blog post is one of our favorites.

How to Help a Parent in an Abusive Relationship

When abuse is happening in a relationship, it can affect whole families - including children who are witnesses to the abuse and violence. 

Watching your parent deal with an abusive relationship is extremely tough and can cause a range of emotions, like resentment, guilt, fear, grief, and anger. It can be especially difficult if you are still living at home or have younger siblings still living at home. Having feelings of love and attachment to our parents is very normal, even if one of them is abusive in some way. If you feel like something isn’t right in your family, but you also have those feelings at the same time, the situation can become confusing, complicated, or overwhelming.

We are often contacted by people of all ages whose parents are in abusive relationships. Like anyone who witnesses the abuse of someone they love, these callers and chatters want to know how to help the abused parent. They are understandably focused on making the situation “right” and ending the abuse. While every situation is unique and there is no “one size fits all” approach, we try to emphasize a few things: 

1) It’s not your fault! 

Above all, you need to know that the abuse is never your fault, and it’s never the victim’s fault. The choice to be abusive is the abusive person’s; only they are responsible for their behavior, and only they can change it. It is also not your responsibility to “rescue” your parent(s). It’s normal to spend a lot of time and energy looking for a way to fix something that’s causing so much pain, but you don’t deserve to be under this kind of pressure. 

Why does a person become abusive? That’s a really tough question to answer, because every person is different. What we do know is that abuse is about power and control; an abusive person wants all the power and control in their relationships. Their abuse might be directed toward just one person, or their whole family. No matter what, no one deserves to live with abuse.

2) Leaving can be very difficult for a victim, for a lot of reasons

Leaving might seem like the best decision, but so often a victim has many reasons for staying in an abusive relationship. Since an abusive person will do anything to maintain his or her power and control in the relationship, we know that leaving can also be a dangerous time for a victim. Leaving could be something your parent might want to plan for and work towards, but in the meantime it’s important to focus on staying as safe as you can and taking good care of yourself. 

So, what can you do to help? 

It’s really great that you want to help your parent, but something to remember is that we all have boundaries and that those boundaries should be respected. If your parent is being abused by their partner or spouse, their boundaries are not being respected by that person. Even though you may have the best intentions in helping your parent, it’s important to be respectful of them not wanting to talk about it at that moment. If that happens, you can work on the following suggestions—the details of which are explained a lot more over on the loveisrespect blog:

  1. Offer loving support
  2. Refer to local resources
  3. Encourage self-care, and practice it yourself
  4. Create a safety plan together

Remember: if you are living with an abusive parent and they ever become abusive toward you, you have the right to seek help. If you are under 18, you can call the Child Abuse Hotline to speak directly to a hotline counselor. 

We understand that this is such a difficult thing to experience and that you know your situation best. These tips are very general, and you should never follow any advice that makes you feel unsafe. Looking for support, help, or information is a huge step and shows incredible strength. Remember, you do not have to go through this alone. Our advocates are here for you 24/7 if you need to talk to someone. Just be sure to call, chat, or text from devices that your abusive parent doesn’t have access to.

6help, tw child abuse, domestic violence, advice, expert advice, safety, love, support, parents, scared, don't know what to do,

Russell Wilson of the Seattle Seahawks is standing up and raising awareness about domestic violence with his amazing “Pass the Peace” campaign. Check out his ice-bucket-style challenge video and get involved! We’re plotting our loveisrespect #WNYPassThePeace video right now!
ZoomInfo
Russell Wilson of the Seattle Seahawks is standing up and raising awareness about domestic violence with his amazing “Pass the Peace” campaign. Check out his ice-bucket-style challenge video and get involved! We’re plotting our loveisrespect #WNYPassThePeace video right now!
ZoomInfo
Russell Wilson of the Seattle Seahawks is standing up and raising awareness about domestic violence with his amazing “Pass the Peace” campaign. Check out his ice-bucket-style challenge video and get involved! We’re plotting our loveisrespect #WNYPassThePeace video right now!
ZoomInfo
Russell Wilson of the Seattle Seahawks is standing up and raising awareness about domestic violence with his amazing “Pass the Peace” campaign. Check out his ice-bucket-style challenge video and get involved! We’re plotting our loveisrespect #WNYPassThePeace video right now!
ZoomInfo

Russell Wilson of the Seattle Seahawks is standing up and raising awareness about domestic violence with his amazing “Pass the Peace” campaign. Check out his ice-bucket-style challenge video and get involved! We’re plotting our loveisrespect #WNYPassThePeace video right now!

6WNYPassThePeace, russell wilson, seahawks, DVAM, derek jeter, serena williams, jimmy fallon, awareness, let's do this!, get involved,

For Domestic Violence Awareness Month you’re invited to speak up & #SeeDV. Together we can end domestic violence! http://thndr.it/1qqVbxO

6seeDV, tw abuse, DVAM, domestic violence, awareness, social work, resource,

you don’t need permission from us or from anyone else to do any of these things, but if you ever feel like you can’t give yourself permission, we’re happy to do that for you. you do what you need to do!
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you don’t need permission from us or from anyone else to do any of these things, but if you ever feel like you can’t give yourself permission, we’re happy to do that for you. you do what you need to do!
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you don’t need permission from us or from anyone else to do any of these things, but if you ever feel like you can’t give yourself permission, we’re happy to do that for you. you do what you need to do!
ZoomInfo
you don’t need permission from us or from anyone else to do any of these things, but if you ever feel like you can’t give yourself permission, we’re happy to do that for you. you do what you need to do!
ZoomInfo
you don’t need permission from us or from anyone else to do any of these things, but if you ever feel like you can’t give yourself permission, we’re happy to do that for you. you do what you need to do!
ZoomInfo
you don’t need permission from us or from anyone else to do any of these things, but if you ever feel like you can’t give yourself permission, we’re happy to do that for you. you do what you need to do!
ZoomInfo
you don’t need permission from us or from anyone else to do any of these things, but if you ever feel like you can’t give yourself permission, we’re happy to do that for you. you do what you need to do!
ZoomInfo
you don’t need permission from us or from anyone else to do any of these things, but if you ever feel like you can’t give yourself permission, we’re happy to do that for you. you do what you need to do!
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you don’t need permission from us or from anyone else to do any of these things, but if you ever feel like you can’t give yourself permission, we’re happy to do that for you. you do what you need to do!

(via rockandrollingdiva)

Source: freeingeileen

6permission, self-care, self-compassion, inspiration, love, happiness, sadness, treatyoself, let it go, loveisrespect,

Helping a Co-Worker in an Abusive Relationship

When you’re at work, you’re probably not talking with your co-workers about really personal stuff. But if you find out that one of your co-workers is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, you can help them by knowing how to show your support.

The most important thing you can do for your co-worker is let them know you’re there for them. If they’re coming to you for support, they’re putting their trust in you. Listen to them, and avoid judging or offering advice; instead, acknowledge their feelings and help them recognize that abuse is not normal or their fault. You might say things like, “You don’t deserve to be treated like that” or “You deserve to be respected.” 

If your co-worker fears for their safety from their partner while at work, you can help them create a safety plan. You might encourage them to speak with a manager or the HR department who can explain any policies about how the company responds to domestic or dating violence among employees. If you’re a manager, you could talk to them about what the company can do to help them, such as giving them time off for a court hearing. Talk to your co-worker about what would help them feel safe coming to and leaving work, whether that’s getting college campus security to escort them home, or walking them out yourself to the parking lot. 

Your co-worker may not tell you what their partner or ex looks like, but if they do, keep an eye out to see if they come in the workplace. If they do come in, don’t reveal information about your co-worker, like their schedule or where they take their breaks, because the abusive partner could use that information to stalk or keep tabs on your co-worker. Additionally, if your co-worker says they have a restraining order against their partner and expresses they want the police involved, you can help enforce that by calling the police if their partner shows up at the workplace.

It’s hard to find great people who you enjoy working with, so you may not want to lose someone as a co-worker. However, if it’s an issue of their safety — as well as the safety of other employees — it may be best to see if additional job sites can relocate them. If you’re working at a chain restaurant or retail store, for instance, your co-worker might be able to transfer to another location. Or if you’re working on a college campus, there may be somewhere else on-campus that’s hiring. If your co-worker needs to leave their job because of their relationship, it’s good to note that some states offer unemployment benefits to people who have left their jobs due to dating or domestic abuse. 

Abusive relationships can happen to anyone, anywhere. To help keep your workplace safer, brush up on the warning signs of abuse and learn how to be a part of someone’s support system. You can always call, text, or chat with a peer advocate at loveisrespect for more information and resources!

6help, help a friend, tw abuse, tw domestic violence, workplace rights, safety, support, advice, friendship,

We’re so happy you exist! You are the only you there is, and that means so much!

(via positivedoodles)

Source: pleasestopbeingsad

6support, inspiration, surivivor, wellness, cartoon, love, you can you this, help, inspiring quotes, happy,

Looking for a way to show you believe in healthy relationships? Like the color orange? Could use a daily reminder of how wonderful you are? (Because you totally are!) Just want to support a worthy cause while getting sweet accessories in the process?

Check out these great hair ties (or bracelets); $1 of every purchase is donated to loveisrespect!

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